Discount Dan’s Imitation Versace Bathrobe

Discount Dan’s Imitation Versace Bathrobe
Rare Artifact
Type: Cloth Armor, Personal Significance

You look terrible in this thing, and you should actively feel bad for wearing this. The hideous clash of reds and golds is jarring, and instead of expensive, Italian imported silk, this thing is made from the same cheap terrycloth material they use for hotel washcloths. And not nice hotels. The kind of hotel you pay for by the month. This thing is one step above a burlap bag. I would feel bad for you if this wasn’t so hilarious.

This definitely-not-Versace bathrobe features baroque-inspired sleeve edging and an aggressively red finish—perfect for ensuring your enemies never know when you’re bleeding. A carefully curated collection of retro throwback patches decorates the front, each one personally ironed on by James Hunter while hunched over his kitchen counter, muttering obscenities under his breath. Turn it around and boom, a custom Discount Dan’s Backroom Bargains patch featuring Croc, the real star of the show in all his mimic glory. Perfect for lounging, scheming, or battling hoards of progenerated Eldritch horrors. Plus, it’s real comfy.