Discount Dan’s Imitation Versace Bathrobe
Discount Dan’s Imitation Versace Bathrobe
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Discount Dan’s Imitation Versace Bathrobe
Rare Artifact
Type: Cloth Armor, Personal Significance
You look terrible in this thing, and you should actively feel bad for wearing this. The hideous clash of reds and golds is jarring, and instead of expensive, Italian imported silk, this thing is made from the same cheap terrycloth material they use for hotel washcloths. And not nice hotels. The kind of hotel you pay for by the month. This thing is one step above a burlap bag. I would feel bad for you if this wasn’t so hilarious.
This definitely-not-Versace bathrobe features baroque-inspired sleeve edging and an aggressively red finish—perfect for ensuring your enemies never know when you’re bleeding. A carefully curated collection of retro throwback patches decorates the front, each one personally ironed on by James Hunter while hunched over his kitchen counter, muttering obscenities under his breath. Turn it around and boom, a custom Discount Dan’s Backroom Bargains patch featuring Croc, the real star of the show in all his mimic glory. Perfect for lounging, scheming, or battling hoards of progenerated Eldritch horrors. Plus, it’s real comfy.
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This robe is so amazing! The patches are incredible! The robe is very comfy! I can’t wait to wear it at LitRPG CON!!
I did not buy a bathrobe.
I bought a lifestyle.
The moment I slid into Discount Dan’s Imitation Versace Bathrobe, three things happened:
- My credit score went up 40 points.
- A mysterious man in sunglasses nodded at me.
- I developed an uncontrollable urge to whisper, “It’s all part of the deal.”
Is it imitation? Technically.
Does it radiate the confidence of someone who absolutely has a warehouse full of “totally authentic” merchandise? Without question.
The fabric feels like it was stitched together using pure ambition and lightly questionable business practices. It’s soft, dramatic, and commands respect. I wore it once and now my neighbors think I own at least two offshore accounts.
10/10. Would lounge. Would scheme. Would absolutely trust Dan with my backroom bargains again.
Love the books and my amazing wife decided to get me the robe and the box bundle for my birthday. It just came in today and it looks amazing multiple cool patches and a really soft robe. I will probably wear this in public just to confuse people. 10/10 might get a second one for her
I love getting to wear something so fun and cozy for conventions! And it sparks so many conversations with others that lead into great book recommendations and extra awesomeness!
This robe is a hideous assault on taste and sensibility, and actively makes me despair for the future of humanity. I have never hated something so profoundly, or so quickly. Where it came from or why on god’s green Earth I am wearing it are mysteries that beggar the imagination. That being said, it is incredibly comfortable, and has some personal significance. 5/5, would robe again.
